Penguins and Gravity: Finally the Truth is Revealed

Webster's Dictionary defines Gravity as "The natural force of attraction exerted by a celestial body, such as Earth, upon objects at or near its surface, tending to draw them toward the center of the body.", but this does not explain why gravity exists. For years scientists have carelessly accepted gravity as an unstoppable force and moved on to other issues that they deemed more important, not today. With a highly trained team of expert scientists, we looked into the matter and discovered the true cause of gravity as it is known on this planet, Penguins. As controversial and absurd as this sounds, the fact remains, the only reason that all matter on the earth is held down is due to the penguins on the earth's surface. These rambunctious little creatures hold the secret to ending gravity and finally releasing the power of flight to humans. This intrigued me, and I found myself becoming more and more interested in unlocking the secrets of these noble animals.

Meeting with the leader of the penguins proved to be harder then I imagined as I found it incredibly hard to find out who he or she was. My attempts at asking the general public of wild penguins failed as when I requested the information, the penguins would often waddle away, squawk, or in a particular case, bite me. These actions failed, however, to thwart my attempts to find, and coincide in, the elusive leader of these fine creatures.

Bandaged, and once again on my search, I found myself at the zoo. Somehow the fact that the penguins were behind bars and a 20 foot hole acting as a moat comforted me. When I reached the Penguin containment area I saw the many penguins frolicking in their own greatness. I believed that these captured penguins would feel that they have little to lose, and would not refuse to converse with me, and tell me of their leader, as the wild penguins failed to do. As I called to the Penguins, although little hostility was shown, very little concern with my matters was either. It appeared that they paid no attention to my voice; this led me to believe that they couldn't hear me. I began to yell louder to try to get their attention; this attracted the attention of the other zoo patrons, but nothing but a blank stare from the penguins. I found myself standing on the railing bending over and shouting at the penguins, cursing them for refusing to take me to their leader, but after about 30 seconds a disturbed visitor had alarmed the security and I was asked to leave the zoo.

After these disappointments, I began to doubt my theory of the penguins being related to gravity all together, but my colleagues quickly righted me, and I snapped out of it. I decided to get some background on my tuxedoed friends, so I could better understand the way they thought and so i could try to decipher how exactly they controlled gravity. I headed for my local library, but just as I was walking up the steps to the door, it hit me like a brick in the face, one of the constructions workers working on the library had accidentally dropped one of his bricks and it had hit me in the face.

Three days later I found myself awakening in a hospital bed. For the entirety of my coma, I had pondered my penguin predicament, and had logically decoded the secret of the penguins, and how they control gravity. Unfortunately, although I vividly remembered cracking the case and proving my theory, I could not remember the means in which i did this, or where any proof of this might be found.

So, as I close this now-proven fact off, Penguins do indeed control the gravity on this planet, my hope to convince them to enlighten me of how they do this, continues on....